


Sleeping Dragons

by NoLifePoints (Vesperbat)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Duel Monsters, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8279687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vesperbat/pseuds/NoLifePoints
Summary: After high school, Jounouchi keeps in touch with Mokuba, but Kaiba never seems to be around. Their reunion is unexpected and unwelcome, but Kaiba’s exhaustion gets the better of him. When Jounouchi catches his fall, he can't just let go.





	1. Restless Connections

**Author's Note:**

> ~4 years after DM canon.

Jounouchi slipped into the study. If he had to be alone in Kaiba Manor, he preferred this room. It was quiet and comfortable, stocked with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and stately oaken furniture. Or was it cherry? Jounouchi had no idea. He did know that one velvet sofa had to cost more than every piece of furniture in his home, and it was _nice_. He shut the door behind himself and jumped into a chair.

“… excuse me?”

Jounouchi’s head snapped up to find a pair of ink-blue eyes boring into him.

Crap.

During Jounouchi’s occasional visits, Kaiba always seemed to be away on business or holed up in his room. They hadn’t said two words to each other. Jounouchi wondered whether Kaiba was avoiding him or whether he really was that busy. He didn’t know which irritated him more: being ignored or being forgotten.

Sometimes he wanted to barge into Kaiba’s room and demand acknowledgment, but that would just land his butt on the doorstep, Mokuba’s guest or not. He didn’t feel like tangling with the security. Besides, it would be… pathetic, and why did he care? If Kaiba wouldn’t give him the time of day, why not give him the same treatment?

Except he couldn’t, not now. In public, Jounouchi would have some choice words for him. This was the guy’s house. “I have every right to be here, on your private property, sitting on your antique armchair” wouldn’t fly.

“I… was visiting Mokuba. … hi?” Jounouchi wasn’t sure what else to say. They hadn’t spoken in ages, and they were never on good terms.

Kaiba just glared. “Obviously. Why are you in here?”

He rubbed the back of his head, tousling his fluffy blond hair. “We were gonna test that new game, but Mokuba had to take some calls. Reservation mixups at KaibaLand, I think. He told me to make myself at home. I, uh, didn’t think you’d be…”

Kaiba’s brow rose. “You didn’t think I’d be in my own home?”

Jounouchi’s pulse quickened. Of course it was going to be like this. His lip curled down, and he said, “Yeah, well, I’ve sure never seen you here before. How about a ‘hello’?”

“Hello. Satisfied?” Kaiba said, rubbing his face. “Listen. I’d love to go back and forth, but it’s been a long day, and I’m not in the mood. If you have to wait here, do it quietly.” He went back to his book.

Jounouchi settled back into his chair, frown deepening into a scowl. “Fine. Great to see you too!” In the silence, he looked Kaiba over. He held a leather-bound novel with an English title scrawled in glinting gold. Some classic Jounouchi had never heard of, most likely.

Little had changed. Even as Kaiba read (for pleasure? did Kaiba do anything for pleasure?), his posture was stiff and regal. The large hand wrapped around the spine of the book could have been carved by a fine sculptor. Everything about him was deliberate, controlled. He looked… good, as much as Jounouchi hated to admit it. Always had. Nothing like Jounouchi’s casual scruff.

Except those eyes. Had he always had such dark bags beneath them? Now that Jounouchi paid attention, he noticed Kaiba blinking frequently. The longer he watched, the more he seemed to do it.

“Even you should know it’s rude to stare,” Kaiba said, not looking up.

“I’m not staring! I’m just…” Jounouchi leaned forward and squinted. “You look tired as hell.”

"Mm. A day of work can accomplish that. I’m also tired of pointless chitchat.” Kaiba still refused to make eye contact, but purple stains beneath his eyes stood out against his skin, as did the veins crisscrossing his whites. He tried to focus on the words in front of him, but his eyes narrowed. Was it really that obvious?

“Geeze!” Jounouchi held up his hands. “I was just trying to be considerate. No offense, man, but you look like you haven’t slept in a week. If you’re that tired, why don’t you go lie down?”

“I’m perfectly fine,” snapped Kaiba. “If you’re that concerned, why don’t you give me some peace?” And then he blinked again, or so he intended. His eyes remained shut a few seconds longer. If it had been his idea, Kaiba realized, he would give in. Were he alone, he would toss the book aside and curl up on the couch for a catnap. As many times as he had slept in an office chair, that was nothing. But coming from anybody else… especially Jounouchi… Kaiba forced his eyes open again and tried to make the letters stop wavering.

Jounouchi huffed. “You’re pissing me off.” He reached out to grab the book, but as soon as he could put the thought into action, Kaiba batted his hand away. Jounouchi whistled low. “Guess your reflexes are still working.”

“Of course. Now, could you tell me what you think you’re doing…” Kaiba’s words came slower. He paused to blink against the dryness. As he did, something occurred to him. “… and why you care?“

Jounouchi’s eyes widened. His face grew warm, and he averted his eyes. “About you? I don’t know. I mean, I don’t.” He looked at his knees, voice softening. “Mokuba does, though.”

Kaiba tilted his head back. “Is that all? I’m fine. Mokuba is fine. I wish he’d stop dragging you into our business. And inviting you over. And setting you loose in the house.” The longer Kaiba spoke, the more his voice began to slur.

“Oh, man. It’s getting to you now. Comes down on you on like a bag of bricks, huh? Looks like you’re going down whether you want to or not.” Jounouchi grinned. Kaiba might be nearly untouchable, but even he couldn’t defeat his own body.

Kaiba’s eyes flashed, though at this point, they were half-lidded more often than they were open. “Shut up. I’m _fine_. Ugh, I’ll just… go somewhere else.”

Jounouchi’s gaze followed him as he rose, a satisfied smirk on his lips, but Kaiba couldn’t take two steps before he stumbled. “Woah, hey!” Jounouchi jumped up and grabbed him. It wasn’t carelessness or haste – Kaiba actually seemed to have fallen asleep for a second. That was the only explanation for the ease with which he collapsed against Jounouchi. For that second, he was dead weight.

Kaiba’s eyelids crinkled, and he opened them a fraction, groaning. He struggled to register what had happened with grogginess hanging over his head and unfamiliar warmth enveloping him. His hands collided with Jounouchi’s chest, and it became clear that arms were wrapped around him. He lifted his head, but it fell back against Jounouchi. It was dawning on him now, distantly, just how little sleep he’d gotten that week. How he hadn’t slept at all these past two nights. How stupid that had been. What if he’d been attacked? What if…

He ended up in this situation. This ridiculous, infuriating, comfortable situation.

It felt good. He didn’t want to move. He had never questioned his own judgment more than in that moment.

Jounouchi stared down at Kaiba’s back and held him awkwardly. Kaiba stirred, but he didn’t move. Should have just let him fall on his face, he thought, but he didn’t mean it. He could only imagine how exhausted Kaiba must be if it had come to this. As he waited for Kaiba to recover, he tried to ignore their closeness. Warm breath fluttered against his neck, and up close, he realized how good Kaiba’s cologne smelled. A soft fragrance clung to him, sharp and clean, with hints of musk and pepper. Jounouchi’s heart pounded. This was kind of…

Jounouchi shook his head and started to pull away, but Kaiba caught his arm.

“Just… hold on,” Kaiba said, hands still resting on him.  

If Jounouchi had been red before, he was crimson now. “What? You feeling okay?”

“No.” Kaiba pressed his face against Jounouchi’s shoulder, hiding his eyes from the light, and cursed himself. He would never have allowed this, least of all with him. He didn’t want to think about everything that had happened. Of Yuugi, the other Yuugi, the one he couldn’t see anymore… and Jounouchi, who had always been there. Somehow he never gave up, no matter how much he failed. How could he just accept that? How could he be so casual?

He hated Jounouchi’s strength. He hated himself for wanting this.  

Jounouchi’s brow wrinkled. He didn’t know what was going on with Kaiba, but he was clearly not in control anymore. “Hey,” he said, “you should sit down.” He settled onto the sofa, and Kaiba crumpled beside him, curling on his side. His head touched Jounouchi’s thigh.  


Kaiba didn’t care. He was half-gone then, lost to a sea of exhaustion and painful memories. Just as he slipped under, he managed to say, “Don’t tell Mokuba.” He felt Jounouchi's hand on his shoulder.

Jounouchi’s frown faded to a tender smile. “You got it,” he said, but Kaiba’s only answer was the slow rise and fall of his breath. Sighing, Jounouchi closed his eyes as well. Kaiba would wake up eventually, and Mokuba could walk in, and he didn’t look forward to the emotional inventory he was going to have to take after this. But he had to admit it: there were worse ways to spend an evening. The rest he could deal with later. For now, he’d let sleeping dragons lie.   


	2. Drifting and Dodging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaiba may not have to deal with Jounouchi when he wakes, but there’s always Mokuba, who knows him too well. As Kaiba later discovers, where there’s Mokuba, there may be Jounouchi. Not that Mokuba can get much out of him, either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty Mokuba-centric. Because Mokuba. ~~he’s so fun to write~~

Kaiba pulled himself up, bracing a hand on the sofa. Dull pain scraped at the back of his eyes, but he ignored it. For a moment, he was drifting. He had no thoughts, no direction, only the breath coursing through his lungs.

The velvet grain of the cushion smothered his skin as he slid his fingers over the next seat. Cold. Empty. As it should be. A feverish dream was too much to hope for, he supposed. What would it even mean to have a dream like that? He didn’t want to know.

As he rose, the doorknob turned. He froze and tried to gather his wits, his words – his weapons. Instead, tightness gathered in his chest. Mokuba’s smiling face appeared in the doorway, and Kaiba’s entire body relaxed, as if his tension were controlled by a string.

“Hey, big brother!” Mokuba waved as he approached, but he stopped short. “Oh. Did I wake you?”

“I was just getting up,” said Kaiba, running a hand over his face. He glanced at the door, and his voice grew thin. “Is he… still here?”

Mokuba blinked. “Who, Jounouchi? Nah, he left a while ago. Why?” In an instant, his smile disappeared, and he squared his heels. “Brother. I like Jounouchi. He’s a good guy.”  

Kaiba matched his frown. “I didn’t _say_ anything.”  

“No,” said Mokuba, “but I know how you feel about him.” He folded his arms.

Kaiba looked back at him. “… you know, I’m not so sure you do.” Kaiba wasn’t sure _he_ knew. Not now. Maybe he hadn’t ever.

“Huh? What do you… where are you going?” Mokuba said. “Dinner’s almost out.”

“Shower,” Kaiba said, halfway out the door. “I feel like I’ve been hit by a train.”

Mokuba’s hands balled into fists. “Okay, but you’d better come eat before midnight. And get some sleep tonight!”

Mokuba sighed. Brothers were more work than actual work, he decided. But much more rewarding. Sometimes. He could tell something was up… and he might be able to find out what, if he asked the right person.

-

Jounouchi had stood in Mokuba’s computer room just a week before, but it never ceased to amaze him. He was lucky to own one half-reliable TV set and a couple of second-hand consoles. Here, screens surrounded them, hooked to a behemoth of a computer. It was plastered with buttons and switches and attachments that Jounouchi could hardly guess the nature of. He feared it might break if he looked at it wrong, but Mokuba knew it inside and out.

He just hadn’t expected to be there again so soon. But he had nothing to do that day, and he knew how lonely things could get for Mokuba, whether Mokuba liked to admit it or not. It wouldn’t kill him.

The alternative was running away. Jounouchi did not run away.

“So, what are we doing today?” he asked, plopping down beside Mokuba. “Another round of tests?”

“Nah. Just wanted to mess around.” Mokuba tossed Jounouchi a wireless controller.  “Unlike some people, I have a life outside my burgeoning career.”

“Some people, huh.” Jounouchi drummed his fingers on his leg.

“He’s been acting kinda weird lately.” Mokuba stared at the screen as he spoke, flicking through different car models and race tracks.

“Kaiba? Isn’t he always weird?” Jounouchi tried to concentrate on the game as well, to keep his mind from wandering, but he barely processed it. He picked a vehicle almost at random.

Mokuba snorted. “Okay. Extra weird.” The tip of his tongue poked through his lips as he started the level. “Did something happen? Last time you were here, I mean. Hey, get ready!”

Jounouchi scrambled to join in, nearly dropping his controller. The familiar heat of a blush prickled his face. Why did he have to blush so easily? It really ruined his poker face. He just prayed that Mokuba kept his eyes glued to the screen. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno. He asked about you. He usually never mentions you guys.” Mokuba shrugged, not looking up. “I guess he just didn’t want to bump into you.”

Jounouchi tried to laugh.  “Oh, yeah. Probably not…”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. He was more certain than ever that Kaiba had not wanted to see him. Jounouchi didn’t think he could show his face around him right now, so at least the feeling was mutual. But of course Kaiba never asked… Jounouchi frowned and tightened his grip on the controller, laying on the acceleration. His car rammed and scraped the wall of the track, and Mokuba easily overtook him.

“Well, whatever. He’s been running himself ragged lately. If he doesn’t stop, I’m gonna kick his ass.” Mokuba’s voice was flat, all concentration devoted to the game in front of him.

Jounouchi’s anger melted away at the empty threat. He doubted Mokuba could take Kaiba, yet, but he doubted even more that he would try. This was a metaphorical ass-kicking, full to the brim with brotherly love. He locked an arm around Mokuba’s neck and rubbed a fist into his long, unruly hair. “You’re such a devoted little brother!”

Mokuba flailed. “You shut up, or I’ll kick your ass, too! You jerk, I was winning!”

At 15, Mokuba had assumed a much more prominent role in Kaiba Corporation. Kaiba kept a hand tight on the reins, but he seemed to let Mokuba do more every day. Maybe it was because he had been doing it himself at that age. Maybe he needed the help.

Or maybe it was simply because Mokuba excelled at it. He thought fast, cleaned up well, and knew how to charm his way out of a hornet’s nest. He’d always been the cute kid, the good cop to Kaiba’s bad – and he took advantage of that. He could be impatient, and he shared some of Kaiba’s temper, but he was far better at suppressing it when dealing with staff and clients.

Even so, he was still a kid. On days like this, he reveled in his messy hair, loose pajamas, and foul mouth. He was whacking Jounouchi upside the head with a controller when Kaiba walked in. “Hey, big brother. Think you could kill a guy for me?”

Kaiba paused, mouth open, and took in the scene before him. “If it’s him,” he said, “gladly.” He headed for Mokuba’s toolbox, rooting through the spare computer parts and half-finished projects.

Jounouchi locked up, and Mokuba twisted out of his grasp. “Woah. Take it easy, big brother. I was kidding.”

“So was I.” But there was no humor in Kaiba’s voice, no smile on his face. He picked up the soldering iron he had come for and passed by them again.

“Look, man. I can just… go.” Jounouchi put his hands up. The look Kaiba shot him rooted him to the spot.

“Do what you want,” Kaiba said, hand tightening around the iron. “Loser.” The door clattered shut behind him.

“Wh- hey!” Jounouchi gritted his teeth, and his heart began to pound. He sprang out of his chair and barreled out the door after Kaiba.

Mokuba’s eyes narrowed. “… okay. Something definitely happened.” He turned back to his game. Intel mission abandoned. It was his day off, damn it.


	3. Pins and Needles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jounouchi confronts Kaiba, whose animosity he has never fully understood. Kaiba reveals more than he intends. Jounouchi’s curiosity is piqued, but his patience is running low. Ultimately, it’s Kaiba’s move.

“What’s your problem?” Jounouchi asked, glaring at the back of Kaiba’s head. Adrenaline had Jounouchi on his heels.

“Problem?” Kaiba stopped, and Jounouchi nearly walked into him.

“Yeah. Maybe you could explain it simply, so I can understand,” Jounouchi said, sneering. “I’m a loudmouth. I’m poor. I’m not that smart. I get it. So why would a guy like you even think twice about me? What makes me so special? Don’t you have anything better to do?”

Every word pricked against Kaiba like a needle trying to unearth a splinter. Unfortunately, Jounouchi had a point. Maybe Kaiba had given this more thought than it deserved. Either way, it was more than he wanted to admit. He considered his options.

He could lie. He could laugh. He could just walk away.

Or he could seize the needle and run him through with it, commanding it with all the purpose and precision Jounouchi lacked. He could burn every perilous, half-fallen bridge that spread between them. He could get him out of his life, once and for all.

“You’re…” Kaiba’s jaw clenched. “Reckless.”

Then again, maybe he couldn’t.

Jounouchi tilted his head. His hand found its way into his hair. “Reckless? I mean, yeah, but… really?”

Kaiba took a deep breath. “You’re careless. Unfocused. You think you can do anything, but lack the skill to back it up. You waste every bit of your potential.”

“Wait, what?” Jounouchi’s eyes widened. Had Kaiba ever acknowledged him like that before? Kaiba had always called him a loser. A dog. Third-rate at best. Potential was a new one.

The words came tumbling out.  “I can’t stand it. If you were in my place, the wolves would rip you to shreds. The world doesn’t work the way you think it does! I’ve had to fight every second..!” Kaiba stopped, as if he had come to the edge of a cliff. His chest heaved.

“Kaiba…” Jounouchi moved closer.

Kaiba looked away. “It’s… embarrassing to watch. That’s all.” He turned to go.

“That’s not all. Kaiba.” Whatever he had begun to unearth, he knew Kaiba would be quick to bury it again. He hesitated. Though he knew what could happen (from painful experience), he touched Kaiba’s shoulder. Muscles tensed beneath his hand.

Kaiba’s arm jerked up, but he let it fall. “None of this matters.”

“Not even you?” Jounouchi squeezed his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s talk.”

“I don’t need your pity.” He said “pity” more like “poison.”

“Damn it. It doesn’t have to be like this. Could you just let someone care about you, for once in your life?” Jounouchi tightened his grip.    
  
“I appreciate the effort, but I’m not a charity case.” Kaiba lifted Jounouchi’s hand. Jounouchi snatched it back and rubbed it, as if he had touched a hot stove.

Jounouchi rolled his head back and rubbed his eyes. “You just don’t get it.”

“I really don’t see what there is to get.”

Both lingered.

“Going to stand there all day?” said Kaiba. “I’ll have to start charging rent.”

Jounouchi exhaled. Whatever had flickered through Kaiba before, it was gone now.  “Ugh. Just… hang on a second.” He fished through his pockets until his hand seized on a crumpled, faded receipt. “Got a pen?”

“A pen?” Kaiba raised a brow, but he extended one to Jounouchi and watched him scribble. When Jounouchi returned the pen, he handed the receipt back with it. Kaiba scanned it. “This is..?”

“It’s… my number.” Jounouchi closed his eyes. “Call this a last ditch effort. We’ve had all this shit between us, and we’ve never even had a normal conversation. If you ever want to, you know where to find me.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Otherwise, I’m done. I give. You won’t be hearing from me again.”

Kaiba’s gaze followed his retreat.

Jounouchi paused in front of Mokuba’s door. “Kaiba, I know… it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Nothing ever is. But there are some things you don’t have to fight. That’s one game I’m tired of playing.” With that, he disappeared.

Paper crinkled in Kaiba’s fist. He would throw it away at his earliest convenience and scrub the number from his memory. But first, he slipped it into his pocket.


	4. Broken Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strained in his relationship with Mokuba, Kaiba makes a late night call. Tensions flare, and Jounouchi strikes at the heart of Kaiba's insecurity. Even so, Jounouchi isn't ready to take the easy way out. Not when he's finally got Kaiba's attention.

Kaiba buried himself in reports and emails and schematics for weeks, but the note remained on his desk. Each time he glanced at it, his fingers came down on the keyboard with sudden force. He told himself he’d get rid of it when he found a stopping point – no need to hurry over something so trivial. The breaks seldom came, and when they did, he left empty-handed. It just kept slipping his mind.  
  
After all, he was tired.  
  
After all, he hardly thought about it.  
  
At least one of those statements was true.  
  
He noticed, too, that Jounouchi had kept his word. He hadn’t set a foot in Kaiba Manor since that day. Kaiba mentioned this to Mokuba only once, offhand: “No visitors lately.”  
  
“Yeah,” said Mokuba, looking at Kaiba over his shoulder. His eyes burned. “Jounouchi is ‘busy.’” He immediately returned to his textbook, and Kaiba stared at his back. Mokuba had mastered the teenage art of saying one thing and meaning, “Fuck you.” Somehow, it stung even more than the real thing. Kaiba could only stuff his fists into his pockets and storm out of the room.  
  
That night, Kaiba picked up the phone. He put it down. He picked it up again. He fiddled with his alarms, cleaned out his inbox, and checked his calendar. After an hour, he seized the paper and dialed.  
  
Jounouchi turned over in bed, pawing for his cell. “What the hell?” he moaned, face illuminated by the bright screen. He blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted enough to read “1:47 AM.” He didn’t recognize the number, but he didn’t care who it was. He picked up, snarling. “It’s the middle of the night-”  
  
“Jounouchi.”  
  
The cold voice on other end dropped directly into Jounouchi’s stomach, settling there like a block of ice. “Kaiba?” he said, brows furrowing. “Seriously? What...”  
  
“I want to ask you something.”  
  
Jounouchi’s voice rose to a whine. “At 2 AM?”  
  
“Should I hang up?”  
  
Half of Jounouchi wanted to tell Kaiba to fuck himself and collapse back into bed. The rest knew better. If he let this slip by him, he could only look forward to a night of restless curiosity. He sighed. “Fine. But only if you’re gonna be civil. Otherwise, bye.”  
  
A few seconds of silence. “It’s… Mokuba.”  
  
Jounouchi sat up, covers rippling. “Is he okay? Did someone-”  
  
“Nothing like that. He’s fine.”  
  
Exhaling, Jounouchi laid back. “God. You scared me. If nothing’s wrong, what is it?”  
  
Kaiba fiddled with the paper, prodding at it with his fingernail. It had been crushed in Jounouchi’s pocket for so long that it felt like fabric. The slightest pressure punctured it. “Tell me why you’ve insinuated your way into his life.”  
  
  
“… in… sinuated?” Jounouchi frowned. “You make it sound suspicious.”  
  
“I don’t know that it isn’t. There’s a lot to be gained from a personal relationship with the vice president of Kaiba Corp.” A lie, of course. The conversation had drifted from its original intent already, but it was an easy shot, and he took it.  
  
“What?” Jounouchi sat up again, tearing at his blanket. “Fuck you! Because I’m his friend, that’s why! You should know that, you-”  
  
“Now who’s not being civil?”  
  
Jounouchi couldn’t see the smirk, but he could feel it. He gritted his teeth. “You. You started it. You’re gonna tell me you don’t trust me with your brother? You know how many times we looked out for him when you weren’t there to do it?”  
  
Kaiba froze. White heat washed over him, and he lost control of his volume. “You think Mokuba needs _you_?”  
  
 Jounouchi knew what he was saying – where he was aiming – but he didn't stop. “I don’t know. Maybe if you actually spent some time with him, he wouldn’t.”  
  
“You don’t know anything,” hissed Kaiba. “Not one fucking thing.” His knuckles paled around the phone.  
  
"I really don’t. What is this about, Kaiba? What? Because it’s not about me!” Jounouchi’s palm thudded on his pillow, muffled and unsatisfying.  
  
“I don’t need to explain myself to a pathetic… worthless…” He wanted to say "loser." He couldn't. The unfamiliar heat of tears stung his eyes, and he was determined not to let them fall. Why did he have to hear this from Jounouchi, of all people? Jounouchi, the devoted big brother, whose love for his sister spilled forth like sunshine. Bright. Warm. Effortless. You could bask in it.  
  
Jounouchi stared into the dark void of his room. A moment passed. “It never has been, has it?” His eyes closed. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that stuff.”  
  
“No,” said Kaiba, steel in his voice. “You shouldn’t have.” He knew he had failed Mokuba by now. Of course he did. No one needed to tell him that.  
  
“You aim low, so I aimed low. Fuck. So much for talking like adults.” Jounouchi flopped back onto the bed. “But… did you seriously believe that? That I’d do anything to hurt him?”  
  
“I...” Kaiba curled up in his chair, guilt and anger still clawing at one another. “Not… exactly.”  
  
“So you said it just to piss me off. Fine. If that’s all you wanted, then...”  
  
Kaiba snapped upright. “No. I need… come back. Come over.”  
  
Jounouchi’s stomach dropped from roller coaster height. He nearly threw the phone. “Come over?”  
  
The emotion drained from Kaiba’s voice. “The next time,” he continued, “for Mokuba.”  
  
For Mokuba. Of course. Jounouchi ran a hand over his face, pulling and rubbing at his skin. “Can I ask about the sudden change of heart?”  
  
“I pay more attention than you think,” Kaiba said, frowning. “He doesn't need you, but he does like you. If you’re going to call yourself his ‘friend,’ act like it. Don’t disrespect him with your cowardice. Am I really the one who has to tell you this?”  
  
“Okay, okay. Cold day in hell, I guess. I never meant to blow him off.” Jounouchi frowned. Kaiba was right, once in a while. Hadn’t he decided not to run away? “I’m not gonna keep doing this, though. I told you before.”  
  
“We’ll return to the normal state of affairs,” said Kaiba, as if negotiating a business deal. “We won’t cross paths.”  
  
Jounouchi considered. The easy way out. For both of them.  
  
“No,” Jounouchi said. “Tomorrow. Be there.”  
  
“My schedule is-”  
  
“Be there.”  
  
Click.  
  
The pillow scraped against Jounouchi’s face as he shifted, nesting in his blankets. If he wasn’t running, Kaiba wasn’t either. Bold as the challenge was, his stomach still felt light. It wasn’t quite nausea, not quite an ache. Just… light. Lightning. Up and down. It spread through his muscles, and he groaned. He wanted to pretend that this was the first time he’d ever found himself thinking about Kaiba at 2 AM. Maybe then, he could also pretend it was the last time.  
  
Jounouchi took solace in just one thing. This time, Kaiba was thinking of him.


	5. Shifting Cycles

It took much longer to be buzzed through the gate than it usually did. When Jounouchi embarked down the long path to the manor, he realized why: Kaiba was standing in front of the door step. Jounouchi broke into a run, skidding to a stop in front of him. “Kaiba! Were you... waiting for me?”

Jounouchi started for the door, but Kaiba positioned himself between him and the house, arms crossed. He shook his head. “You think I have time to wait around outside all day for some lowlife who doesn't announce himself ahead of time?"

Jounouchi's cheeks colored. "Then what are you doing?"

"What I’m waiting for is the lockdown to reset. Scheduled maintenance. If you’d bothered to call, I could have warned you. Not that it matters… we can talk here, if you insist on talking.”

“Outside?” Jounouchi huffed, breath misting through his scarf. “It’s cold.”

“I’m aware.”

“Like, really cold.” The crisp air shocked Jounouchi ‘s lungs with every breath.

“That has no bearing on the behavior of the system. The doors stay locked until it disengages. Period.”

Jounouchi’s foot tapped. "We could go sit in your car or something. Don't you have, like, ten of those?”

“Ugh. What’s the point? It won’t be more than ten minutes.”

“Fine. Be cold.” Jounouchi wrapped his scarf tighter around his face. As much as he hadn’t looked forward to this talk, he had looked forward to the fancy heating system. At least he had bundled up before he left his apartment. Kaiba wore nothing but a thin cashmere sweater and slacks. He didn’t look so hot, either. Maybe it was just from the cold, but his face seemed pinched somehow. Drawn thin. The dark circles were back with a vengeance.

Kaiba buried his hands in his pockets. “More importantly, if you have something to say… say it.”

Jounouchi sighed. “Alright. This is about… us, I guess.”

“Us.” Kaiba leveled his gaze at Jounouchi, who could hardly meet it.

“Yeah.” His voice dropped so low, he wasn’t sure Kaiba could hear it, and he became acutely aware of how dry his throat was. He swallowed. The reality of this conversation was beginning to sink in: he had given Kaiba an ultimatum.

No... that wasn’t right. He had given himself an ultimatum.

“Jounouchi!”

His head snapped up, and he noted Kaiba’s scowl – off to a great start.

“Stop dreaming and get on with it.”

“Right,” Jounouchi said, rubbing his stinging cheek with a gloved hand. Stop dreaming, huh. “I just need to know if there is an ‘us.’ If... there’s ever going to be.”

Kaiba cast him a sidelong glance. “You? Me? Is that even a question you need to ask?”

“ _Yes_!”

Kaiba took a step back, eyes wide, as if force of Jounouchi’s voice repelled him. His smirk faded, and the comeback brewing on his lips went with it. He was left with only one question: “Why?”

“Because… I want there to be, damn it.” Jounouchi was smiling now, thin and tired. “No matter what happens, somehow I keep wanting to give you another chance.”

Kaiba stiffened. “I never asked.”

“I know you didn't ask. But – I want to. I always want to give you another chance even though I know you’ll never take it. I… shit.” He dabbed at the corner of his eyes, and he laughed. “It is way too cold to be tearing up.”

Kaiba shrunk back against the door, though he squared his shoulders. “I’ll never understand you. What is this? What has gotten into you?”

Jounouchi buried his face in his hands. “What do you think, asshole? Work with me a little!”

“I’m trying! But why would you be crying? Over this?” His brow wrinkled. “Over _me_?” At his own words, something far colder than winter air stole over Kaiba, and he fell silent.

“… why?” Jounouchi held all the trembling stillness of a forest on the verge of a storm. His was a violent calm. “Should I tell you why?”

Kaiba hesitated. “Yes.”

The storm tore free. “Because it hurts! We’re not friends. You’ve said it a hundred times. We’re not anything! I know that, but I keep on thinking – it doesn’t matter, though. It’s never going to change. I guess I’m just here trying to believe what I already know. So, go on. _Make_ me believe it.” Jounouchi’s voice crescendoed, but by the end, he whispered. “Please.”

It should have been easy. Last night, Kaiba had wanted nothing more than to go back to the way things had been. There was just one problem: this _wasn’t_ the way things had been. A tremor ran through him.

Jounouchi frowned and tugged off his scarf. “What did I tell you?

“It’s not- the cold.” Kaiba’s protest died as Jounouchi moved in so close that their bodies almost touched. Almost. As he tied the scarf around Kaiba’s neck, Jounouchi’s hand grazed his cheek, and Kaiba grabbed it. Warmth seeped through the rough, worn down glove.

Kaiba let go, and Jounouchi stumbled back. His hand fidgeted by his side, exploring the memory of Kaiba’s firm grip. “You won’t,” said Jounouchi.

Kaiba stared at the scarf half-tied around his neck and fingered its fraying threads. “Maybe not.”

“You can’t.”

Silence.

Jounouchi took a slow, measured breath. “… damn it, Kaiba.”

Kaiba wrapped his arms around himself, though it was hard to say whether he was cold or whether he wanted to collapse into nothing. “I can’t make you any promises, either. We’re not suddenly going to be the best of friends. It doesn’t work that way, and you know it. I’m not telling you...” He shifted. “You don't have to keep doing this.”

“You’re right. I don't.” Jounouchi's voice was soft again. “Hey. Hasn’t it been more than ten minutes?”

“What?” Kaiba frowned, glancing at the still locked door behind his back. “It was an estimate.”

“I estimate that you’re full of shit. Get somewhere warm before you freeze to death.” With that, he was off. It was time to go back to his cramped apartment with its used kotatsu and inadequate space heaters. He was down one scarf and had nothing to show for it. Ten paces away, he paused. “And get some fucking sleep!”

So much for closure.


	6. Coming to Rest

“I still have your scarf.”

That was the text Jounouchi received eleven days later, halfway through his lunch break. He decided not to respond. He heard nothing else until the next day.

“Come get it.” A pause, then another message. “KaibaLand Aquarium. Tomorrow. 9 PM.” Jounouchi was in the middle of tapping out a response asking why he should have to pay to get his stuff back (and maybe he was busy anyway) when a third message came through, one from a number he didn’t recognize.

A registration code for the ticket booth.

He _meant_ it.

The aquarium apparently closed at 7 on Sundays. In a sense, that made it easier. Jounouchi expected to meet Kaiba outside, get the scarf, and leave. After all, they couldn’t really talk in such a public place.

Instead, Kaiba headed for a side door. Jounouchi stood back awkwardly and watched him swipe a card key. Inside was a void, quiet and still. If there were staff left in the building, Jounouchi didn’t see them.

Kaiba drew him through the halls, passed through a rope barrier, and waited, hook in hand. It took Jounouchi a second to realize that he was supposed to follow in spite of the “Employees Only” sign hanging from the rope. Here, both walls offered a view into false oceans where tiny schools of fish flickered and swirled against the water. Jounouchi slowed and looked up, face cast in mottled blue light.

“This wing is newly constructed,” said Kaiba, matter of fact. “There isn’t much here.”

Even empty, it was beautiful. “You guys ever get penguins?”

Kaiba glanced back, eyes narrowed, but said nothing. Instead, he took a seat on a velvet-covered bench, reached into his pocket, and tossed the neatly folded scarf at Jounouchi. It ribboned out and crumpled as he caught it.

Jounouchi sank down beside him, scarf in his lap. “So… you didn’t freeze to death.”

“No.”

“Or die of exhaustion. Or crash your stupid blimp into a building.”

“As you can see, I’m alive and well.”

“‘Well’ is debatable. How have you been sleeping?”

“… badly.”

Jounouchi wasn’t used to this level of honesty. He coughed softly and said, “I thought I told you to get some rest.”

“As if I take orders from you.”

Jounouchi ran his fingers over the scarf. It felt softer than before. Bringing it to his nose, he inhaled. “Did you wash this? Or have it washed, I should say.”

Kaiba’s shoulders rose a fraction of an inch. The gesture could barely be called a shrug. “It’s polite, isn’t it?”

Jounouchi shot him a crooked smirk. “Never known you to be polite to me before.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

Jounouchi continued to turn the scarf over in his hands. Its pale blue color seemed at home in a world of silence and water. “You could have just given it to Mokuba.”

“That... would have been the most sensible thing to do.”

“And you didn’t... because?”

He almost thought Kaiba wasn’t going to respond. Finally, he said, “Because I can make selfish demands, too.”

Jounouchi flushed. “Normally when people make demands they have a reason.”

“Maybe I do.”

Jounouchi let his head settle on Kaiba’s shoulder, experimental. “You’re probably just so tired you’re not yourself.”

“And what’s your excuse?”

The fact that Kaiba was allowing this only made Jounouchi’s face grow hotter. “Do I need one? I’m pathetic. You’re stubborn. I am too, for that matter. It makes us do stupid shit sometimes. The end.”

Kaiba paused. “You think you’re pathetic?”

“Heh. Thought you’d be the first to agree.”

“Just surprised to hear it coming from your mouth.”

Jounouchi sighed. “I am, though. I’m looking for something that just isn’t here.”

Kaiba touched his cheek, hesitant, as if Jounouchi were an illusion his touch would dispel.

“… Kaiba?”

Kaiba just shook his head, but their lips touched, and the tension in him snapped. He pressed against Jounouchi and kissed him with a deep and searing hunger, and Jounouchi understood. He was never supposed to see this. He held Kaiba tight until the desperate kiss ended. When he pulled back, wide-eyed, Jounouchi wondered if he had ever kissed someone before – or if he had ever kissed someone like _that_.

The pang of pride was cut short when Kaiba jumped, eyes wide, and wrenched out of Jounouchi’s grasp. “Not here,” he hissed. “Someone might- not _here_.” He grabbed Jounouchi’s sleeve, and he let himself to be led for a few steps. Kaiba let go, and he followed on his own.\

The final destination lay behind another “Employees Only” sign. Jounouchi stepped into the room, Kaiba flicked a switch, and Jounouchi rubbed his eyes as fluorescent light assaulted them. A key jangled in a lock, and Kaiba came into focus through furious blinking. Apparently this room was too forgotten for a technological upgrade – of any sort. It contained only a small, hard sofa, a gray plastic table, and six matching chairs.

“So,” said Jounouchi, perching on the table. “What was that for?”

“I don’t know,” Kaiba said. “Because I understand.”

“I don’t...”

“Looking for something that isn’t there.”

“… oh,” said Jounouchi. Just “oh.” But it was enough.

Kaiba turned. “Don’t. Don’t try to analyze me.”

“No. I get it now. And if it were just me you were avoiding, maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me,” Jounouchi said, though they both knew better. “A lot of people cared about you. Yuugi-”

“Enough!”

“Kaiba?”

Kaiba lowered his head. His words were faraway, plumbed from the depths of an unfathomable ocean. “I don’t want to talk about Yuugi.”

“I… I’m sorry.”

“About what?”

Jounouchi touched his shoulders. They quivered. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care. I don’t need…” Kaiba was interrupted by hands on his shoulders and then around his waist. Another awkward embrace, but nothing accidental about it. He frowned.

“It’s okay if you miss him. I miss him.” Jounouchi’s cheek burned against Kaiba’s, and Kaiba laughed, hollow as a box from which an incalculable treasure had been stolen. Jounouchi squeezed tighter. He didn’t know how else to speak.

“This,” said Kaiba, carefully measuring his words, “isn’t an emotion that can be put into words. I’m not like you – and I don’t mean that in the way that you’ve come to expect. There’s nothing you can do to fix this.”

“You don’t have to have words. I don’t think I can fix it, either. I just… want to be here.”

Kaiba closed his eyes. “You are so fucking innocent.”

Jounouchi thought a lot of things about himself, but “innocent” wasn’t one of them. He shook his head. “Doesn’t sound like you know me that well.”

“You think I don’t? That was just child’s play, Jounouchi. You changed.”  
  
Jounouchi gritted his teeth. “I did,” he whispered. “I did change.”

“You think there’s so much good left in the world – in everyone. Just like there was in you.”

“And you’re saying there’s none in you,” Jounouchi replied, as if Kaiba were trying to convince him that Santa Claus was not only real but standing right behind him, sack bursting with gifts for the good little boys and girls (among whose ranks Kaiba was surely not counted).

“Jounouchi, sometimes I think there’s nothing left in me.”

“That’s not… fucking… true.” The burning gaze Jounouchi fixed Kaiba with made him straighten. He put his hands on either side of Kaiba’s face. “It’s not, and you know it. You are Kaiba Seto. _The_ Kaiba Seto. It pisses me off just thinking about it. So don’t- don’t give up on yourself like that.”

“Of course I am,” Kaiba snapped, “and I’m not giving up. I’m just not sure what you thought you would find here.”

Jounouchi considered. “I don’t know anymore. I just want to see... the person you are now. If you’ll let me.” He swallowed, drifting closer. Kaiba didn’t meet him, didn’t shy away, only closed his eyes and waited. This kiss was softer, more halting. Jounouchi held so much back, but it was alright now. It was enough.

Kaiba let the kiss drag on, but when Jounouchi pressed against him, he braced a hand on his chest. “We’re not doing anything else.”

Jounouchi jerked away, crimson. “I wasn’t trying to!”

“So long as we’re clear.”

“Just because you’re hot-” Jounouchi clamped his jaw shut. He caught something almost like a smile at the corner of Kaiba’s lips. “Okay, I think we’re past the point of secrecy. I don’t know what you want out of this, but...”

Kaiba touched a finger to his lips. “I want you to let me think about it first. Anyway… I have to get back soon.” It was a weak conclusion, but it was the only one he offered.

“Working at this hour? On a Sunday?”

“Obviously.”

Maybe it was true. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, Jounouchi started for the door. “Take your time. But, Kaiba...”

“Yes?”

“You slept pretty well with your head in my lap. Just saying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't supposed to take a year, but it also wasn't supposed to be six chapters. If you got this far (or even if you didn't, but then you wouldn't be reading this...), thank you for supporting my reentry into fic~


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